Sometimes OK is enough

I have had one of those mornings. You know the ones. The ones where nothing really goes wrong but nothing really goes right either. I even got up early to make the rush of the morning less stressful, to make more time to get more things done.

I’ve started doing supply teaching this year and I’ve been getting quite a bit of work. I’m thoroughly enjoying being back in the classroom. I like the interaction with the kids. I enjoy teaching and helping and I just enjoy a lunch time where I don’t have to listen to kids arguing or demanding vegemite not peanut butter. I like that I get to go to the toilet when I need to and not when it fits around my two kids who are at home during the day. I like the adult conversation at lunch time.

Monday I worked so I started the week a little behind schedule and that has had a knock on effect to the rest of the household. Hollie had a break down or two about stuffing up her viola playing and then about not getting her story draft written to a standard she thought acceptable. I had not made it a priority to sit down with her and help her with these to issues over the past few days as my priorities were elsewhere. Note that I didn’t say I don’t have time because clearly I do have time if I choose not to do something else. Everyone has time. I’m a mother of 5. I know about having time and commitments. I really felt like I had let Hollie down even though I know it is her responsibility to get these jobs done before today. Hollie went to school upset. I went on with my day upset.

Kevin was throwing a tantrum because I’d opened the can of dog food for him. He didn’t want to go to school because we’d upset him. On the way to school his shoe fell off and the tantrum started again. I didn’t have the patience for him. Again, I felt like I’d let him down.

As we were leaving for school Lisa couldn’t find her shoes. These were left in Daddy’s car yesterday when he picked up Lisa from kindy as I was at an appointment. This was a small issue but turned into a big one because she cried and I didn’t have the patience to deal with the tantrum because we were already running late to buy a new school uniform and take Hannah to the library at school so I told Lisa to get into the pram. Yes, a four year old in a pram! Our rule is you aren’t allowed to go to school with no shoes on. The librarian made Lisa cry when she made comment about Lisa’s lack of shoes because she knows our rules too. If only I’d taken the time to let her find new shoes this wouldn’t have happened. Again, I felt like I’d let her down.

After buying the uniforms and taking Hannah to the library to borrow a book I went to her classroom to see if the teacher wanted help with changing the readers because they weren’t done yesterday.  This is usually my job in Hannah’s class because no other parent does it. Yesterday I didn’t do it partly because I had to drop Hollie at her first day of the maths/science academy she was accepted into and then dropped Lisa and a friend’s daughter at kindy and partly because I was still trying to catch up on house work from being at work on Monday and I had a group of ladies coming over at 10am. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty about not changing the readers but I can’t help it. I love seeing kids learning. I love books and know how important reading is. I also know that essentially this is the actual teacher’s job but I also know it takes at least half an hour to do and I don’t know where she is going to find that time. This time not only did I feel as though I’d let Hannah down but her whole class and her teacher as well.


I know all of this is not really anything but I feel like I’m not doing anything well at the moment. I feel like I’m merely doing life OK. I’m not doing it better than OK. I’m stretched thin in all directions. When I got to playgroup all tired and worn out I just cried. I didn’t want to cry in front of my friends but I just felt like I was doing a terrible job of everything. After a hug from my friend I felt a lot better though. We are all Mums and we all have bad days/bad weeks. When I got home I text my husband and told him I needed a hug. When I told him what the matter was (that I felt like I was doing life OK not great. I wasn’t being a great Mum I was being an OK Mum. I wasn’t being a great housewife I was being on OK one. I wasn’t being a great worker I was being an OK one) he told me being OK is OK. That’s why it’s called OK. He made me laugh and I know he is right. I can’t be amazing all the time. Sometimes OK is enough. Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope.

What you shouldn’t do when toilet training

Now you think I would know how to do it after training 4 kids. You would think after lecturing people, yes I do believe I lecture people in regard to toilet training, I would know what not to do. Well, I’m here to tell you with baby number 5 I have broken almost every one of my toilet training rules.

I had a friend today say I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I should be ok with the fact that at almost 2 he’s going to the toilet at home. Oh, believe me I am very happy about that. I’m not happy that I am too scared this time to let him go without nappies to the shops, playgroup, friends’ houses, in the car, anywhere. Why is that?

Since forever I have lectured my friends and their friends and told them, “Don’t put them back in nappies. You just send them backwards.” I know. I’ve seen it in my friend’s kids. I know what I’m doing is stupid and has long term consequences. I know it is only prolonging the whole terrible experience that is toilet training. Trust me. I KNOW.

I’ve had kids wee in their sibling’s classroom. I’ve had wee on the floor in the supermarket. I’ve had accidents on carpets at playgroup and on the couch at home. I’ve had wee in the carseat and the pram. I’ve dealt with this for basically 5.5 years. What is wrong with me this time?

My friend today said, “It’s not like he’s going to go to kindy wearing a nappy.” I know. I know I shouldn’t let this get to me. I guess it will eat away at me until I can finally bite the bullet and do this properly. The way I have told everyone else to toilet train their kids.  I also know without a doubt this is my problem and not his. I know he is capable of going in public without wetting and I know even if he does it’s not the end of the world. I know the problem. I’m lazy.

This has been my whole argument over the years regarding other people not toilet training their kids early like I have. It comes down to what’s important and right now it is not important enough for me to make him go to the toilet in public and deal with the accidents so I’m being lazy. Yes, I’m being lazy. I know I am and it is not something I like to associate with myself. I am being lazy because I know he can do it. He’s been going to the toilet or potty for more than 6 months now. I guess I have to get myself in the mindset to toilet train him for the public.

Exercise that body

As promised I have actually taken photos of my body, clothed, to hopefully document the HUGE changes which are about to occur. The photos don't actually look that bad. I think the tight clothing hides a great deal. You know that post baby belly with it's wrinkled, stretched marked skins and the fatty saggy bits. Who said motherhood wasn't glamorous? Glamorous.  I wear my marks with pride because I know without them I wouldn’t have what I have and I wouldn’t give it up for the world. I am so grateful for what I have and even if that means I’m not able to reach my goal of 10kms by my birthday, mid January, then I’m ok with that too. I think it is better to have a goal than to plod along and hope everything will be ok and work itself out.

Here are the photos. I know it will take at least 3 months to notice a significant difference in photos. Possibly in real life you may be able to notice a difference. I can usually tell when I start to decrease the size of my double chin. I’m hoping I notice my arms beginning to strengthen too. I’m aiming to be able to do a 200m medley by January. At the moment I’m doing only 100m with flippers because I’m too much of a chicken to try one without. I also know that my backstroke doesn’t hold up. I'd just like to thank Hollie for taking the photos this morning. 

Two goals and just under three months. Let’s see what I can do.

On a family note, my sister in law gave my mother in law a large canvas photo of their first born at approx 6 weeks old. Kevin and I decided it would be nice if she could hang all the kids together so we made up canvases of the kids at approx 6 weeks old too. We have been trying since Kevin Joshua was 5 weeks old to get a photo of him smiling. We have managed to capture a few blurred ones on our phones but nothing we could print. Every time we bring out the camera he stops smiling even with tickles. Over the last 3 weeks we have taken 100s of photos trying to get a good print. He always turns away from the camera. Is this a sign of things to come? I’m going to post some of those attempts at smiling shots.

Moments in time

I have to take time with my newest addition at night. During the day life is very hectic with four other children and I don't get as much time as I'd like to sit and cuddle and adore my little darling Kevin. Night times for me are very special. Day time often involves fighting the kids off Kevin. I'll often find Lisa has shoved a teddy right next to him or tucked a blanket over him. Hollie wants to cuddle him constantly and when it's a school day she walks in the door and it's not, "Hello Mum," it's, "Can I hold Kevin?"

I adore the new baby smell. The soft skin. The cute little noises they make. Babies are just the sweetest things. I could have hundreds of them but I hate being pregnant and babies don't stay babies for long at all.

I'm off to comfort and cuddle and kiss my darling little Kevin.